It Doesn't Get Easier
by Aurelia Knight
Summary: *CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR COMPANIONS QUESTLINE* During Kodlak's funeral, Farkas notices the newest member of the Circle seems quiet, reserved, more so than usual. When approached, she vents to him, telling him things he never expected to hear. F!DBxFarkas


**Disclaimer: I own nothing, save Nova.**

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"Members of the Circle, come, let us retreat to the Underforge and mourn our last together." The torch flickered in Aela's hand as she turned on her heel. Her ginger head soon disappeared down the steps of the Skyforge.

The other Companions paid their respects to the deceased Harbinger and slowly filtered away. Evening had long since set; only the dying light of Kodlak's funeral pyre illuminated the darkness. Eventually only the twins and the new blood, the _whelp_, were left. Vilkas cleared his throat. "I'll see you two in the Underforge." He took his leave, his boots heavily thudding on the stone.

Farkas turned to the wood elf. She stared into the coals of the Skyforge, unshed tears glistening in her once blue-green eyes that were now tinted yellow with the beast blood. He chewed the inside of his cheek. Talking was never his strong suit, much less comforting.

Finally he settled on shuffling toward her. "Are you all right?" He asked, his gruff voice soft.

"It doesn't get any easier." Her voice shook and she swallowed hard. "It just…doesn't."

"What do you mean?" He tilted his head slightly.

Nova closed her eyes as a tear slid down her face, marring the dark green war paint she smeared there. "So many people I know have died recently. I just… You'd think I would be used to it."

"I'm…sorry?" He winced. He hadn't meant for it to come out as a question.

She removed her green feathered cap and ran a hand through her auburn hair. "Farkas, can I tell you something? Something I haven't told anyone else in Jorrvaskr?"

He simply nodded.

"I am the leader of the Dark Brotherhood, the Guild Master of the Thieves' Guild, a Nightingale, and the Dragonborn. I've done some things I'm not proud of and I've killed a lot of people. But I will never, _ever_, get used to death." She took a deep breath.

Farkas blinked rapidly. He knew she was the Dragonborn, as she showed her mastery of the Voice soon after he revealed his beast blood. Though he couldn't have even imagined that she was anything else, much less a cold-blooded killer and master thief. "You… You are? That's…"

"I'm the one that killed the emperor." She turned to stare into the flames again. "The first plan to kill him didn't quite work. The Penitus Oculatus made sure of that. They attacked the sanctuary and…" She faltered.

"And what?"

A few tears leaked from her eyes. "I tried to get there as soon as I could but it was already on fire. I found Festus Krex nailed to a tree by arrows… I got inside soon enough to watch Arnbjorn die." She looked up at her shield-brother. "Almost everyone was dead because I couldn't get to them fast enough. And then Astrid had me kill her to fulfill her contract for new leadership and I've just had enough of death!"

Farkas took a step backward in surprise. He'd never heard the soft-spoken Bosmer shout like that unless it was a Thu'um. He allowed her to continue, however, and watched her pace around the Skyforge. She needed to vent, he realized.

"You know the Thieves' Guild almost killed me. I thought I was helping Mercer but then he turned around and stabbed me after I'd already been shot by a poisoned arrow. Then they forced me to become a Nightingale and I killed Mercer later on. That death wouldn't have been so bad except for when I took the Skeleton Key back I saw how Gallus and Karliah would be separated because of one man's stupidity and it's just not fair!" She stopped pacing and stared at him helplessly.

"I don't know what any of those things are…" He reached up to scratch his neck.

"Don't worry about it, you're not supposed to know." She crossed her arms and stared at the dying embers of the funeral pyre. "I joined the Companions because I wanted to do something right with my life. I thought I could finally escape death and losing someone I cared about, but…" She gazed up at Farkas. "It always seems to find me."

He awkwardly looped his arm about her shoulders and hugged her. "You don't have to grieve alone this time, Nova. We all miss the old man."

"First Skjor and now Kodlak…" She bit her lip. "Who's next?"

Farkas tightened his grip. "No one. No one else is gonna die. Not while I'm around."

He suddenly felt her arms wrap around his broad chest. He opened his mouth to question her when he heard a stifled whimper. Instead, he placed one arm at her back and his other hand at her head. Her hair was surprisingly soft beneath his rough palm, and he found himself stroking it. "Y'know, for the Dragonborn, you're pretty soft."

"The Dragonborn doesn't have to be rough and tough." Her voice was muffled where she pressed against his body. "The Greybeards didn't say anything about that."

"That's okay. I like you better this way."

Her lips twitched into a smile and she tightened her grip on him every so slightly. "Me too."

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